Here's Jack!

oh sweet boy you are 17 today…
I got 14 years with you and now 3 birthdays without your physical self. Unbelievable. But. Real.

Your birthday celebrates your birth, a special day that encompasses so much joy and so much pain. You kicked started my heart lil man. As I sit and share the memories nothing about your entrance or stay was ever easy, simple or “normal”. It was all about complicated, hard and struggle. Which made you more than just my child. It made me. It has created my world that I live in. Your birthday will always be reflected as the Wisest. Hardest. Scariest. Gift.

Today I feel proud how I am moving through life without you here but allowing you to show up and guide me. I am honored to have a VIP guide now and recognize your birthday is just another reminder of all the treasures and nuggets you give. Then. And. Now.

I am standing proud but as always a birthday brings hard again, because this day is built primarily around your past and your memories. No new memories which is my constant struggle. So I attempt to take your guidance and try to incorporate into this day. I want this day to focus around your gifts and wisdom that you continue to give since you left this unsettled, unsteady earth. And Jack these gifts continue to bring me hope and find joy is such heartache. And. Pain.

you are the best thing that ever happened to me.

love you bubba

mom, aka mom to Jack

forever Jack’s Mom