Nineteen. A number I have imagined so many times, wondering who Jack would be at 19… what he would look like, what would he be watching on his iPad, who would be his teachers, how many freckles would he have right now, what music would he choose to listen to and what would continue to make him laugh…
Grief has taught me many things but the share of today is that losing someone doesn’t mean losing the relationship. Jack is still woven into who I am, into the way I love, the way I see the world, and the way I notice the smallest gifts that are placed in my path.
I recently read Theo of Golden and there is a beautiful passage in the book that spoke to me…
But God, in His sublime goodness, has always sent others, mysterious others, to walk with us — prophets, preachers, friends, teachers, artists, storytellers, wives and husbands, children, songs, birds and rivers, even hardship and loss — to help us see clearly. They are ones who make our hearts burn within us, who call us out of our indifference, our lethargy, our death and defeat. They call us to be fully alive, or at least more alive than we were before we met them.
Maybe this is what it means to be “fully alive.” Not to avoid the pain of loving someone you can lose, but to love so deeply that their life changes the way you live the rest of yours.
Jack has taught me that joy and grief can coexist.
That a sunrise with coffee in hand is not just a sunrise and a cup of coffee.
I am braver about living. There is no “right” time.
I recognize every person I encounter has a story to share and if you listen closely a story to teach something.
Jack didn’t teach me to live because he died. He taught me to live because he lived.
Happy 19th birthday Jack ❤️
Forever my son.
Here's Jack! 