Here's Jack!

10!  

When we learned of your full deletion we were told that we would be lucky if you lived to be 10. There is nothing lucky about you Jack. Your a gift that keeps on giving. 
Last week I stood in Party City staring at boys birthday supplies with heartbreak. I spent days online frantically searching high and low to come up with a functional gift. I screamed, yelled and cried all in one sitting the other day. I let those grim words echo in my ears and haunt my inner being.  
A couple days went by and I sat with the emotions that come with another birthday. Fear, anger, sadness and joy. I have learned how this process is neccasary when grief strikes. When it moved through, what came to me is the this… I get you as a gift every single day. Every day it’s like unwrapping the most precious gift someone could give. The gift you never thought you would ever get. The gift of just being near you fulfills me. 
The day you were born was a gift. Immediately swept out of my arms and off to the NICU. I waited. The first time I held you to my chest you were 6 days old. I waited for that gift. And the gifts kept coming and coming. Leaving you in the OR multiple times and then running to you in the PACU. A gift to hold you again, kiss your lips and run my fingers in your hair. Every single morning I wake and go directly to your bedroom to find my gift. When you leave for school I watch the bus pull away, and each afternoon I wait for the bus to drop you off. I miss you each day and the reunite is such a gift. You! 
Ten years and you have never asked for anything for your birthday. Instead you gift me. You gift others.  
Can you imagine never wanting anything and your presence alone is a treasure to be given out? That is your truth my son. 
Jack the gift! 💖

#blessedbeyond